


Calls

by axiciaaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College AU, Drowning, M/M, Self-Harm, Starvation, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:59:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axiciaaa/pseuds/axiciaaa
Summary: "Tsukishima?" The voice was low, it was Kageyama's."Hey idiot. Do yourself a favor and save your boyfriend.""What?""Just get your ass here. He's falling apart, I can see it." With that, he ended the call.





	Calls

**Author's Note:**

> first haikyuu!! fic here, pls be gentle.

Hinata was happy, elated even, when he first entered University. Money was tight entering into college so his solution was to score for one of the university's sports scholarship and luckily enough, he was admitted into the school without complaint.

He broke the news to Kageyama through one of their late night phone calls, when the window would frost by how the weather was getting awfully horrible. Winter blanketed Japan in white, soft sheaths of snow. It was beautiful, breathtaking.

And lonely.

"How was university?" Kageyama asked through solemnest eyes, his phone was the only source of light amidst the darkness of his room. Hinata's face on the Facetime call mirrored Kageyama's - exhausted.

Hinata suppresses a yawn. "T'was great. Met lots of people and made friends with some. There's this guys named Tatsumi who had the weirdest shade of green for hair."

"Said by the guy whose orange hair can literally blind people."

"Shut up, Bakayama." Hinata does this cutest giggle making the other man on the line mentally burst. Hinata's eyes travel to his bedside table, eyeing the alarm clock. "It's already 12:30AM."

"Yeah?"

"We should get some sleep." Hinata lets out his yawn. "I love you~"

"Yeah. G'night dumbass." Kageyama stretches his legs and presses the red button, ending their call. Hinata was the affectionate boyfriend who would nonchalantly spill words like 'i love yous' and 'you'll always be my number 1.'

"Even though you're number 9 on the team." The orange-haired boy would add, a mantra kept by Kageyama memorized on the back of his head. Before setting down his phone, he typed a little message for Hinata and pressed sent.

In the morning, Hinata's cheeks were dusted pink at the sight of Kageyama's text, his expression giddy from butterflies.

[From tobio my idiot] i love you too, you sap.

* * *

 

"They were huge, Kageyama, and when I say huge, I mean GWAAH huge!" Hinata shouted into his cellphone, as if the signal was unstable and all that reaches Kageyama were buzzes. But the signal was all but unstable and the setter could practically hear Hinata screaming into his ear on the end of the other line.

"Pipe down, you dumbass, you could blast my eardrums!"

"Aghh, I'm sorry. I'm just... Wow." The ace smiles warmly. "Their setter, I think his name is Ueda, was awesome. He's lightning fast."

"Mhm."

A pause. "But he's nothing like you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's fast and tall." Hinata's lids cover half of his eyes, and a gentle smile beams at his face. "But you have better control. And your tosses are special. And when we play, I think you bring out the best in me."

No reply.

"...Tobio?"

"I'm here." Brining his phone closer to his ear, Hinata closes his eyes.

"I miss you." He admits, and then a sudden sadness overcomes him, and he envelopes himself with his blanket to ease the warmth that Kageyama is unable to give right now. Distance and all.

"I know." Kageyama's voice is soft. "I know." He repeats.

"When I'm not busy. I promise, I'll come visit you."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. You're not the only one who gets to do the visiting."

"Yeah." Hinata chuckles. "Yeah. I'll get some sleep. How 'bout you?"

"Sleep's gotta have to wait. I have term papers to finish, but this smartass here can get it done." Kageyama snickers. But his fingers are aching from the non-stop typing for the past hours. Hinata, on the other end, sticks out a tongue.

"Yeah whatever. G'night Yama."

* * *

[To tobio my idiot] y arent u answering my calls.

Sent 8:22PM, Thursday

[To tobio my idiot] hey slowpoke, are u still alive.  
Sent 9:01PM, Thursday

[To tobio my idiot] need i remind u that its thursday and we have planned calls  
Sent 9:02PM, Thursday

[To tobio my idiot] hey im getting lonely  
Sent 9:38PM, Thursday

* * *

Hinata's phone buzzed to life, deep into the night and it shook the owner to awakening. The ace looked slowly to his bedside table, freshly drenched in sleep and eyes still groggy from the sudden wake-up call. His eyes were still misted when he tried to read the caller's name, failing to recognize the characters and answering the call regardless who it was.

"Shit, did I wake you up?" The caller's voice was cold, dripping with evident exhaustion, but the strain of anxiety was recognizable.

"Kageyama?"

"Yeah, it's me. Let me explain myself." His speech pattern was getting swift. "The volleyball team kept us and forced the newbies into a welcoming party. Long story short, my phone's battery was dead and I tried my best to decline their offer but you know how persistent seniors can get."

"It's Thursday. Oh wait, what time is it?"

"It's ah... One in the morning."

"We missed this week's planned call." Hinata's voice was laced with disappointment, Kageyama could tell, under the heavy layers of sleep.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I got your texts and I feel like shit right now. You must be, too."

Hinata let out a chuckle. A chuckle, of all times. "Yeah, maybe a little."

"Are you angry?" He should be.

"Mhm? Not really. Just upset, yeah, I'm upset. But not angry. I don't have the energy to be."

"I'm sorry, Shouyou."

"Stop apologizing." The ace managed out a laugh. "You get to bed. You'll just have to treat me to pork buns the next time we meet."

"Yeah, yeah. Sound good. You go back to your sleep."

Hinata ends the call. He's too tired to function, but he's certain that there's a lingering bittersweet taste in his mouth. Things were changing and both of them were getting busy. He drifts off to slumber before his thoughts get deeper.

* * *

And just like anticipated, the phone calls were getting inconstant. The long talks have shortened. Hours turned into minutes and their topics were mostly about schoolwork and projects. But they understood - they have to understand. This was reality. And reality meant, the more they age, the busier they get, and the less time they have to check up on each other.

And honestly, it was terrifying.

Because Hinata was always the one initiating things by the time they entered college. It was always a give-and-take relationship, where Hinata's phone would light up and Kageyama's name would be there, waiting for the call to be answered. Now, it was just the Hinata who would initiate the calls and perhaps forcing a giddy voice into Kageyama's ear when all he wanted to do was be in touch with the setter.

"How have you been? Have you been eating healthy? Our coach gave us these nutribars that are supposed to give us energy for practice games and honestly, it tastes like soiled peanuts and grains but the middle part was good and it tasted like bananas and they stuck in your te-"

"Hinata!" Kageyama unexpectedly snapped, raising voice and catching the ace by surprise. When the setter had calmed down, he spoke in a monotonous voice. "Sorry, could you keep it down. I was just doing this really important homework."

"Homework again, it's all about homework and papers and assignments again! What, you're dating university now?" was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't because he could imaging Kageyama drowning in paperworks. So he replied with a simple "Oh sorry."

But then he heard Kageyama mumble something. It was so soft that it was barely audible, but Hinata was all ears that he could't miss it.

"So annoying, ugh." It was denial at first but when he heard Kageyama groan, he was certain he heard it.

And it broke his heart.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go so you could focus on your work. Bye now."

"'Kay."

That night, Hinata laid down in bed unable to sleep, clutching his pillow impossibly close and sobbing into it.

* * *

[To tobio my idiot] guess whos visiting next week d(^_^o)

Sent 7:42PM, Tuesday

Suddenly, his phone rang and he immediately answered it. It was no other than his boyfriend.

"Are you serious?" His voice is dark, but Hinata tries his best to ignore it.

"Yup! I finally got free time since the univ's team is on break next week."

"Oh." Came the reply. It was bland and emotionless. Hinata's face falls.

"You're not happy?"

"Oh. Oh no, no. I'm just surprised."

"So you're happy?" The ace's voice was seemingly doleful.

"Huh. Oh, um yeah." Hinata suppresses a frown at Kageyama's reply, like he has been doing recently.

"G-great! See you next week then! Bye now." Feigning a cheerful voice, once the call has ended, the sadness came quickly and swallows him. His boyfriend was not excited to see him and it just crushes him completely.

He sobs into his pillow again, and by the time he has finished. The alarm clock read 2:55AM.

* * *

 

[To tobio my idiot] sorry cant visit. team invited me to a mandatory training camp.

Sent 11:22PM, Wednesday

[From tobio my idiot] okay.  
Read 12:12AM, Thursday

* * *

A week later, Hinata sits himself coldly in the school library. Abandoned books were placed around him as he scribbled notes into his filler.

At the back of his head, he was thinking of made-up scenarios from a made-up training camp.

* * *

The phone calls were horrendous. They were rare and if by chance they do have a phone call, it was Hinata doing all the talking and watching his words so that he doesn't get too talkative and obnoxious and irritating and other words linked to annoying.

13 minutes later, the phone call ends.

* * *

13 minutes became 6 minutes.

* * *

"Hey Kageyama! How are you?"

"Am alright."

"Good to hear! Just wanted to hear your voice. Good night."

"'Night"

* * *

Hinata lies awake in bed scrolling through his phone, rereading old conversations and checking their past calls when they would reach up to six hours talking. He was dying to bring them back again. But things were busy and life gets shorter and so does their feelings. Kageyama mostly.

* * *

Hinata's fingers were shaking with anticipation and nervousness. It was Thursday and he was willing to take a shot at phoning his boyfriend. It rang a few times before it was answered.

"Hey Kageyama. Ah- I know you're busy but I just really wanted to tal-"

"Who is this?"

Hinata froze. It was a woman's voice. A woman answered Kageyama's phone on a Thursday, late at night.

Hinata was so close to hyperventilating.

"Hey, who is ah-"

There was a brief silence.

"Hinata?" Came Kageyama's voice. Hinata was frozen and he couldn't speak, his eyes were welling up and tears were threatening to fall. "Wait, no, this isn't what you think. She's just a-"

End call.

When Hinata ended the call, he started breathing abnormally. His breathing was ragged and came with coughs and groans. And then he Broke down into tears. He sank down to the floor and screamed at the top of his lungs, voice scratching at his throat. He started punching the floor and hurting his knuckles until it began to turn purple. It was painful, but the anger in his chest could not compare.

He continued to rage around his room until a loud knock that came in threes banged against his dorm door. Then a neighbor started shouting about how loud it was late into the night. Hinata suppressed, yet again, his cries into his bruised fist and continued to cry into the night.

The next day, he skipped classes.

* * *

There was a string of messages from Kageyama the following day but Hinata did not dare open it.

He can't. His fists were harshly bruised that he couldn't even open it without hissing in pain.

* * *

He missed a lot of classes, but it didn't matter. There was someone out there who he missed the most but did not miss him back.

* * *

The coffee colored walls of the office was enough to send shivers down Hinata's spine. He was at the dean's office, temples aching from lack of sleep. The dean was wearing a serious face as he run a hand through the papers on his desk.

"Hinata Shouyou, you're an excellent volleyball player and you have managed to keep your grades up by the last semester. With that being said, your scholarship is being sustained. However," he flipped a page from the pile. "You have been skipping classes for the past week. As a scholar, you are warned to maintain your grades by being present in all subjects. What has gotten into you, Mr Shouyou?"

Hinata looked down at the floor, two hands laced with each other, the left hand bandaged. "I'm sorry." He sniffed. "I'm just... Facing problems right now, and my health has been... Terrible."

There was a silence between them before the dean adjusted his legs to a more comfortable position. "We cannot avoid that, but I must warn you that you have to catch up. Or you'll be forfeiting the chance of graduating as a scholar. Try to get back before the semester ends."

"Yes..."

"You may go."

* * *

Hinata stopped skipping school and resumed his classes. After all, he needed that scholarship more than anything and his friends were worrying.

But deep in thought, he was wondering where his relationship with Kageyama stands.

* * *

For a whole month, there were no phone calls.

* * *

"He's a jerk, that's why." It was Tsukkishima who Hinata went to for advice. The loneliness was swallowing the ace and he needed to somehow let off the steam. Right now, he was afraid of calling Kageyama, afraid that he might get rejected again.

"Hey! That's not-! Well, yeah... Ah." Hinata sighed in frustration. True, it was horrible of his boyfriend to ignore him, let alone apologize through texts because of the recent conflict with a woman. "I just want to, you know, be with him and all, but that feels like a distant wish instead."

"Tough words." The blond replied, adjusting his headphones properly until it snuggled his neck. "Just go visit him then. But make it a surprise."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, visit him. If you see that he's happy you're around, then that cheesy wish of yours is no wish after all."

Hinata had thought of that, countless of times already. He was just too afraid of what reaction he would get from the setter. But now that he had heard some kind of reassurance from Tsukishima, perhaps it is a good idea after all.

"I'll go give it a shot! Thanks Tsukki-chan." Hinata smiled at him nervously but gratefully. He waved goodbye to the blond and tensely walked away back to his apartment.

"Ah, Kageyama." Tsukushima whispered to himself. "What have you done to that idiot?"

* * *

He was nervous, of course. He prepared the whole week for this. And once Saturday finally came, he knew it was probably the most practical time to see someone. Hinata's heart was beating hard against his chest, both anticipation and nervousness shrilling his spine.

When he reached Kageyama's apartment, it was considerably empty and locked. He decided to wait outside the apartment, maybe later, he had to come home.

Hours after waiting, he finally heard the familiar grouchy voice of his boyfriend. He was coming up, finally. Hinata's heart started jumpung in his chest again, his face flushed as he waited. But he heard a giggle.

A woman's giggle.

Hinata immediately sprung and hid himself into a corner, just enough to hide himself and listen to whatever conversation Kageyama and the woman were having. At first, it was just giggles from the woman and an annoyed face from Kageyama. Hinata's eyes just couldn't tear away.

And the woman kissed Kageyama.

Now, Hinata's eyes widened and swiftly looked away, covering his ears with trembling hands.

Well, that was that.

* * *

He didn't confront Kageyama. After a 10 minute wait in a crouching position and tears threatening to fall, he got up and said nothing. Hijs eyes were still wide open, preventing his tears from rolling. He left the apartment complex, got on a train and went home, not a word said.

When he reached the city, it was already dark. The street lamps were dimly lit, few to no people strolling along a secluded park near his university. Hinata was still shocked, his face blank from exhaustion.

He gazed up at the lake and saw his reflection, just like that of a ghost's - pale and lifeless.

Then he started to cry.

At first, they were just sobs and muffles. After that, it just kept flowing. And he was crying out loud shamelessly. It was not an angry cry full of hatred and vexation. It was sad. It was cry for longing. Hinata was lonely and it was unbearable.

* * *

The next nights, he could't get a wink of sleep. He was always thinking, thinking - estranged by how their relationship escalated, and which was which.

The volleyball team took notice of his appearance, shabby and drained. "Hinata, get your shit together before you get into the practices." Or something like that. The captain told him to eat more and rest well. Hinata made up some stupid excuse of trying to catch up with his classes, smile all wide and beaming.

But he was falling apart, little by little.

* * *

He bought sleeping pills, because even he himself can't fathom the tiredness that settled upon his body.

The night before a Saturday, he inhaled two pills in one gulp and slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

* * *

But two wasn't enough, he just drank the pills until his body shut down.

* * *

"So, how was your visit to the other volleyball idiot." He met up with Tsukishima a month later, when the semester was finally over and somehow, Hinata managed to keep his scholarship by a strand of a hair.

Hinata looked enthusiastically at the blond, his smile ridiculously wide. "It was great!" He gave a thumbs up.

Tsukishima observed the ace, took notice of his cheekbones seemingly getting more noticeable by how skinny the boy has gotten. His ruffled hair and dead eyes. "I see."

* * *

When Hinata had left, Tsukishima picked up his phone a dialed a certain someone.

"Tsukishima?" The voice was low, it was Kageyama's.

"Hey idiot. Do yourself a favor and save your boyfriend."

"What?"

"Just get your ass here. He's falling apart, I can see it." With that, he ended the call.

* * *

Hinata immersed himself in the tub. The water was hot that it stung to his skin, but he enjoyed it. He relaxed himself onto the tub, his head above the water.

Then he slipped slowly into the water as he drifted off to sleep. He could feel that his breathing had been stopped by the water but that didn't matter anymore.

As if like a dream, somebody went calling out for him. The voice was gentle, low and smooth.

"Hinata... Hinata...."

* * *

"Hinata! Shit, wake up!" Hinata's eyes were slowly peeling open, eyelashes damped with water making it sticky. "Hinata, oh my god, what did you do?!"

"Kageyama?" He was cradled in his arms, naked and cold, but his warmth was enough to heat him up somehow. Was this a dream?

"Hinata, Hinata. Stay with me, fuck, stay with me! The ambulance is calling so just please goddamn stay with me."

Oh, it was no dream. He remembered, ah yes, he had drowned himself. But everything was blurry, and Kageyama was there and then some people dressed in white came in and took Hinata away in a stretcher.

* * *

Kageyama was beside him, holding his hands when he woke up. A headache prevented him from sitting up. But Kageyama had woken up when Hinata tried to stir.

They fixed their gaze at each other.

Then Kageyama started crying.

"Oh my god, Hinata." He kissed the ace's knuckles. "I'm so glad you're- you're still here. I'm so... Fuck." Hinata giggled.

"You're here."

"I am, and I'm fucking sorry. Things got a little out of hand. There's a lot of work I had on my shoulders and women where threatening me out there-"

_Oh._

"And then I didn't call you and I was always so annoyed when I talked to you because I was stressed with all the shit happening and then I was just being a fucking jerk to you. I didn't consider your feelings and now it has gotten into this big mess. I'm just, shit, i'm just so sorry for everything and I'm-"

Hinata put a finger to Kayegama's mouth, hushing him. "You're here."

"Yeah."

"Don't throw me away again." Kageyama's heart clenched.

"I-! Yeah, god I'm a horrible person." He put Hinatams hands to his lips. "I would've been the reason for your death and I, ugh, Hinata. I'm horrible."

"You were. But you're here."

"You were overdosing on sleeping pills."

"I know."

"You starved yourself."

"Mhm."

"You cut your wrists."

"... I did."

"And you tried to drown yourself." Tears rolled again from Kageyama's eyes. "And it's all because of me."

"Shup up, Kageyama. You're here, and you have a lot of explaining to do. But right now, I have a killer headache so let me sleep."

"I'll be here."

"You should be."

"I'm sorry, Shouyou."

"Mhm, I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> hope upu enjoyed this! if i ever have the time, i'll write a sequel, except it focuses more on Kageyama and why was he a shitty boyfriend.
> 
> i love writing sad fics. it's like digging my own grave hahaha


End file.
